• Introduction

    It’s completely natural to want success in everything we do. We wish this for ourselves and for those we care about, and this desire is not in question. The issue arises when the pursuit of success dominates our lives and compensates for other important areas—such as intimacy, character, openness of heart, integrity, and basic kindness. It becomes particularly concerning when success is the central motivation of our lives, it leads to ongoing self-criticism oftentimes not conscious, or becomes the key measure of our self-worth. Unfortunately, this is all too common in today’s society. Many people who are driven by success often struggle to recognize this pattern in themselves, though not always.

    What we’re addressing here is not the value of success itself, but the problem of focusing on it as meaning that you have arrived at your potential, especially when it’s equated with financial wealth or power. This is one of the root causes of the divisions we see in our country and the world. It also often leads to isolation within families when it’s taken to an extreme. In my work as a therapist, I’ve frequently observed that significant success can often predict family strife or a lack of intimacy. The key to navigating this is balance, which is about recognizing the proportional importance of success alongside the other essential elements of life. Of course, a lack of success or discipline to achieve success can also be a source of suffering.

    Psychology, at least in theory, understands that success can serve as compensation for other deficiencies, but in practice, many therapists may feel insecure about addressing this issue directly with their successful clients. Some fear losing the client, while others may envy or idealize their success.

    From my experience, many successful individuals who seek a more authentic depth therapy are either eager to find someone who won’t idealize their achievements and who will kindly hold them accountable, while others come in expecting extra validation. It can feel as though they are scanning for recognition, with the unspoken message, “Acknowledge my success or I’m leaving.” Society places such a high value on financial success that individuals of great wealth sometimes treat it as though it were a Nobel Prize.

    It can be a real relief for them to work with a therapist who helps them appreciate the benefits of their success while encouraging them to seek balance. With financial success comes the opportunity to focus on other important aspects of life, but this requires awareness, honesty, courage and humility.

    For those who read this and feel a sense of excitement or resonance, this section will support your existing efforts to find balance. Our world stands to gain greatly if more successful individuals could recognize the immense potential of their achievements to create a more balanced compassion and a life that includes expanding our capacity to care for more and more parts of life. As a therapist, I take great joy in working with those who are attuned to this potential.

  • Feeling Emptiness in Spite of Success

    Illuminates understanding of the limitations of success, and the importance of balancing it with inner development. Where are you too focused on success, and how would you most benefit by shifting your focus specifically to inner growth? i.e. more net worth, anxious thoughts, stewing in feelings, wanting the impossible to happen now…

  • The Hypnosis of Success

    People generally seek spirituality when they are suffering. Success frequently blocks sensing of emptiness, and frequently distracts us from our hearts. It is rare but truly noteworthy when someone who is successful also pursues meaning. Ask yourself when am I most open to pursue personal and spiritual growth, when I am successful or struggling? Would you concur that you are partially distracted or hypnotized by success, and that you need to remind yourself to ask what will really allow me to find deeper fulfillment?

  • Friendship Beyond Validation

    This video highlights how we often sacrifice deep connection and intimacy to receive validation. We also do this to avoid the vulnerability of being rejected. (Focusing on one relationship where you are most prone to seeking validation) how do I seek validation, and how specifically would I optimize intimacy? ie: eye contact, tone of voice, deeper conversation.

  • Validation vs. Love

    This video is about developing awareness of the ways in which we behave in order to gain external validation instead of developing deeper connection, love and intimacy. Exactly where in your most important relationship are you seeking validation at the expense of love? What would you shift to seek love?

  • Transforming Emotions: The Paradox of Helplessness

    This teaching from 2010 stands the test of time as so many of us are experiencing tremendous helplessness today. If you struggle with not being able to navigate these feelings, whether personal, professional, or relating to the world, this video offers support to actually embrace the vulnerability and find empathic resonance and understanding as part of the very nature of wanting to be helpful.

  • Reconsidering the Classic Definition of Success and Planting Seeds for Change

    This episode, Robert is joined by a guest that exemplifies the essence of a psycho-political life with his relationship with the world. Adam Bendell is the CEO of Toniic, a global action community for impact investors. Toniic creates community, provides educational resources, and curates impact investment opportunities for its members. Adam joined Toniic from his role as chief innovation officer for FTI Consulting. He was also CEO and co-founder of Strategic Discovery, an electronic discovery innovator. Adam is an active impact investor, philanthropist, innovator, meditator, yogi, backpacker, motorcyclist, utilitarian, student of collaborative communication, and a lifelong learner. Here, Robert and Adam discuss the great work he is currently doing and share the seeds of change that led him away from the classic definitions of success. It also reveals how well this motivation dovetails into Psycho-Economics.

    Psycho-Politics can be broken down into three core principles. The first is to become aware of our tendency to externalize our challenging emotions on others. Instead, we can learn to relate to challenging emotions without letting them rule our responses. The effect of externalizing our emotions on others is to believe they are the source of our anger, distrust, alienation etc. This is a setup for war, divorce, competition, corruption, rationalization and much more. The first principle also reflects that It is natural to want to take care of ourselves and our family first, but given that this is what almost all of us do, we need to contemplate giving a greater percentage of our heart, time and energy to the greater world. Very few are taking care of the poor, the planet and natural resources. This leaves us at great risk of killing ourselves if we cannot see that our emotions are our responsibility.

    The second is similar to the first principle except it is related to those that have some extra money. It is an encouragement to revamp our relationship to money and success as we consider how to care more for others by increasing our percentage of sharing wealth from those that have some to give. This also highlights the realization that if those that have extra money, which is in the hundreds of trillions of dollars, don’t make these new moves, then the chances for our planet’s survival are deeply imperiled.

    The third is to ask ourselves, what is the balance for me between taking care of those I love and also the poor, the country and planet on which I live? We must continue to reflect on this for the rest of our lives. Join Robert and Adam as they traverse the many issues facing our world today with vulnerability, heart, and the opportunity to see their joy in giving.

  • Redefining Success

    In our second “Best Of 2022” episode, we look at what it means to “redefine success.” This set of year-end dialogues, specially curated by Robert Strock, shows how his distinguished and inspired guests have fully expressed, in their own lives, what it means to care for oneself, one’s family, and the world. These are joyful excerpts that demonstrate how these unique individuals have integrated their life’s work and passion in a manner that provides self-fulfillment while improving the lives of those around us and the world at large.

    The emphasis is intended to encourage you to look at your potential to expand in this direction no matter where you are starting from. Don’t fall into the trap of comparing yourself to anyone. The key is to look at the next steps to enable moving into greater balance in your life, to accept—right where you are—and expand your capacity to care, recognizing that your focus on caring can expand day by day. The podcast encourages us to not be in denial about the challenges of universal insecurity, those of the impoverished, or our unique personal difficulties. Our country, the world, and our most wise self—for most of us—is beckoning us to include all of this in our contemplation and to motivate us to find how we can contribute, even in the smallest of ways.

    This absolutely is not meant to create a guilt trip. It is tuning into the potential fulfillment of every next step and opening our hearts to see where we “get to” through the aim of love, practicality, and authenticity. This is a refined definition of success, and the key lies in our own authentic balance to take the time to guide ourselves.

  • Valuing Helplessness

    Respecting our helplessness allows us to also access our desire to be helpful or be helped, which is the need underneath. This insight is a key to learning how to give and receive. This is a key in relationship and working with those that are dying. Insight: As you look at your relationship can you see the benefits to where you feel helpless, and need to persevere how you can be helped or helpful. Can you see that the origin of helplessness is a desire to be helped or to be helpful?