It’s completely natural to want success in everything we do. We wish this for ourselves and for those we care about, and this desire is not in question. The issue arises when the pursuit of success dominates our lives and compensates for other important areas—such as intimacy, character, openness of heart, integrity, and basic kindness. It becomes particularly concerning when success is the central motivation of our lives, it leads to ongoing self-criticism oftentimes not conscious, or becomes the key measure of our self-worth. Unfortunately, this is all too common in today’s society. Many people who are driven by success often struggle to recognize this pattern in themselves, though not always.
What we’re addressing here is not the value of success itself, but the problem of focusing on it as meaning that you have arrived at your potential, especially when it’s equated with financial wealth or power. This is one of the root causes of the divisions we see in our country and the world. It also often leads to isolation within families when it’s taken to an extreme. In my work as a therapist, I’ve frequently observed that significant success can often predict family strife or a lack of intimacy. The key to navigating this is balance, which is about recognizing the proportional importance of success alongside the other essential elements of life. Of course, a lack of success or discipline to achieve success can also be a source of suffering.
Psychology, at least in theory, understands that success can serve as compensation for other deficiencies, but in practice, many therapists may feel insecure about addressing this issue directly with their successful clients. Some fear losing the client, while others may envy or idealize their success.
From my experience, many successful individuals who seek a more authentic depth therapy are either eager to find someone who won’t idealize their achievements and who will kindly hold them accountable, while others come in expecting extra validation. It can feel as though they are scanning for recognition, with the unspoken message, “Acknowledge my success or I’m leaving.” Society places such a high value on financial success that individuals of great wealth sometimes treat it as though it were a Nobel Prize.
It can be a real relief for them to work with a therapist who helps them appreciate the benefits of their success while encouraging them to seek balance. With financial success comes the opportunity to focus on other important aspects of life, but this requires awareness, honesty, courage and humility.
For those who read this and feel a sense of excitement or resonance, this section will support your existing efforts to find balance. Our world stands to gain greatly if more successful individuals could recognize the immense potential of their achievements to create a more balanced compassion and a life that includes expanding our capacity to care for more and more parts of life. As a therapist, I take great joy in working with those who are attuned to this potential.